Sorrow and Caring

It was a very long day that started in the wee hours. I could only sleep about an hour last night. All that was on my mind was the promise that I had made for today. I tossed and turned and many, many thoughts kept running through my mind. I had to keep trying to *make* myself relax. I knew today would be a tough one and I really needed to rest.

This week, one of my friends, so dear to my heart, lost her husband. I worried because I didn't have any way to get in touch with her. She wasn't at home, I knew that. But I didn't know if she had gone to stay with her mom or her dad. I didn't know how to contact them. So I waited, I cried. I tried to keep busy but I couldn't keep my thoughts from returning to my concern for her.

Finally, she emailed with a phone number to reach her. And I did. If phones could only transmit hugs. I hurt so much for her. Today was her husband's funeral and that's why I got no sleep. I promised that I would be there and I meant it. I would do anything for her.

I absolutely hate driving on BIG highways. You know the type. 5-6 lanes with cars flying at over 65 mph. Then add to the mix not having a clue as to where to get on, off. And getting in the correct lane (3 choices, I discovered) for how you intend to pay at toll plazas. I know that this sounds stupid. I can't help the panicked thoughts it gives me.

I knew when I promised to be there, I was also committing myself to those roads.

There was absolutely no way that I was not going to be at the funeral. I had to do this, for her. There was nothing more important. Certainly not my fears.

So I suffered my stupid anxiety all night and into the morning. I begged A to make the trip with me (about an hour and a half each way, but I wasn't sure). "You can watch signs for me, hand me toll money. I need you", I said. She agreed at around 7 a.m. We left at 9:30.

Having A with me also kept me levelheaded. I was afraid that by myself, I would cry all the way there. I can't explain why I feel this connection with this friend. It has been similar with others but not at this level. My friend and I have joked around with some ideas. Okay we've "serious-ed" around with some, too. I'll quit being a bit strange now and get off that!

Now, I'm teary again. I'll finish this later.